


Be my broken boy

by Dflorke01



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Broken, Calum needs a hug, Calum's dad beats him, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Luke is literally amazing, M/M, Protection, Sad Calum, luke is protecting calum, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 06:25:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13428729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dflorke01/pseuds/Dflorke01
Summary: Coming from a broken home. Calum Hood hanging on to his life and getting regular beatings from his dad. His mother doesn't even know. Luke wants to save that broken boy





	1. Welcome to my life

**Author's Note:**

> This will be in Calum's POV unless told otherwise. Also chapters will very from 600 words to up 2000 words 
> 
> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

I walk into my house and quickly look around for him. I can't find him so I quietly walk up to my room where I can escape for a little while. I put on American Idoit by green day. At least I can escape from my dad for a little bit. Maybe he won't even come home at all. I would be so happy I wouldn't have to go through a beating. My body is still trying to recover from last night. It was hard to move today but I still had I go to school. The sooner I graduate from high school I can get the hell away from this place I call home with someone I call my father. I want to escape, I can't take the beatings anymore. My fathers right. I'm worthless, a fag, and I won't get anywhere. I know he loves me and he wants me to do better. Sometimes his words really hurts though. I want to prove to my father but I can't. I tried everything. I'm on the football **(soccer for us americans)** team. I'm captain actually. My father only show interest if we win. Only if I score the winning goal. I have really good grades too. I'm guarantee to get valedictorian when I graduate. I do all this stuff but no one really knows I'm breaking inside. No one knows my home life. No one sees the cuts on my arm. I can't let them see. I can't let them see because it'll cause  suspension. I can't have that. I broke away from my thoughts when I heard the front door open. Then my dad staggering up the stairs. He comes in to my room and I am visibly shaking from fear.

"H-hey dad," I stutter

"Hey son why don't we go out for dinner tonight," he smiles

"Y-yeah we can go,"

"Oh and stop with that damn stutter," 

Then he walks out. After we head out to dinner I sprint into my room visibly terrified I messed up from dinner. My dad came in after me and pinned me to my wall. I close my eyes and waited for the sting of his fist connecting with my jaw. Instead he punched me in my stomach. I fell to the ground clutching it. I groan as he kicked, spit and beat me. I waited till he was finished so that I could go into my bathroom and lift up my shirt to tend my bruises. I also look down at my wrists they're looking itching to be cut but I wanna stay clean. I wanna stay clean for at least 3 days. It's been a day and a half.  I promised myself. I don't even know how to go on this long. This has been the longest time I've ever been clean and it's burning. I need to cut but I can't. I can't let my demons win. My father won't win.


	2. My hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New student, new friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

  
Today we got a new student. His name is Luke I had to show him around. The guy has to be around 6 feet tall. He has blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He seems to be adjusting to Ridge wood well.

"Okay so this is my stop," I say to him as we stop to my english classroom. I look at his time table again "It's also yours," I add dragging him. Ms. Blake **(not from teen wolf bc she's a bitch)** introduced Luke to our class. At lunch I went to sit with my friends while Luke went to sit with this guy he met in art. Not that I really cared, Luke is nice and all but he's so attractive. After school I went to football practice. It was so painful because the bruises my father gave me are still sore. I ache as I run and pass the ball around for the next two hours is complete hell. When I was done I bumped into Luke.

"Oh sorry I didn't see you," I say

"It's okay," he smiles. When I bumped into him I winced my stomach hurts really badly. I wanted to cry.

"Hey are you okay?" Luke asks

No

"Yeah," I say

"Okay," he nods and we parts ways. I go home and run up to my house. I go into my bathroom and shut the door and lock it.I grab the box where I keep my razors. Holding back tears

***Trigger warning***

I drag the blade against my skin. Soon it turned into three lines on my arm. I quickly cleaned the blood up that was dripping as tears roll down my cheeks.

***trigger warning over***

I am literally such a fuck up. I can't do anything right to please my father. I'm trying so god damn hard. You know what he says. That I'm a faggot, or worthless piece of shit. I can't win, what do I do. I can't keep living like this. He wasn't always like this though. It wasn't till I came up as gay. At first he tried to beat the gay out of me. He put me in the hospital with a broken rib and fractured wrist. Then he realized that he couldn't so he's treated me like shit every day because of it. Mum never knew the man she fell in love for is actually beating the living shit out of me everyday while she's working at the hospital. I know he's trying to make me that perfect son he's wanted. It tears me down that I can't please him. For awhile I stopped eating. I had anorexia, when my mum found out it broke her heart. She sent me to get help. While I was there no one found out about my dad beating me. They got my self-confidence back. I'm full on crying right now. I'm balling my eyes out because I'm in this hell and I can't get out. It's just piling on to me, it feels like I'm suffocating. I need to find my escape, sometimes I wish I was dead.

The next day at school it wasn't any better. This girl Veronica came up to me and started flirting with me. I turned her down in the most gentle way possible but she still cried. It made me feel horrible because I didn't want to lead her on because I didn't like her that way. She made it seem like it was my fault.

Luke came up to me today. He said he wanted to hang out after football. I agreed because I don't have anything else to do. Also I don't want to go home. We ended up going to this coffee shop then to his to play fifa. He was pretty good.

It's been a week now and Luke and I have gotten closer. Which I'm okay with he's the first person at our school who doesn't want something from me. I'm just so emotionally strained and I can't get away. What am I doing wrong?

Today Luke found out about my scars. I broke down crying because he wasn't suppose to find out. He just hugged me and told me everything would be alright. We sat in his room listening to Green day. We just laid there, he held me in his arms. He's kissing my forehead and whispering that he'll protect me from my demons. If only he really knew. My dad isn't liking that I'm not home often and last night was by the far the worse beating of my life. I didn't go to school the next day. I couldn't moved and it felt like when I broke my rib. It hurt so bad to breath let alone move. Mum came home today for the first time ever. I mean she comes home when I'm asleep. She told me that I was having trouble breathing because something in side my body. I didn't really pay attention. She kept a close eye on me all day. I basically slept all day.

Luke texted me that night asking me why I wasn't at school. I told him I missed because I was feeling ill. He seemed to buy it and told be to get better soon. He met a guy named Michael today and he told me about him. I told Luke that we'd all hang out soon. This seemed to make Luke really happy which made me smile. I might be having a little crush on Luke Hemmings, a guy that I met a week ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give this kudos and comment


	3. Meeting Ashton and Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet, Ashton and Michael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Luke met me in the cafe we had coffee a few days ago. His friends would be meeting us here.

"Are you okay Calum?" he asks

"If your asking if I cut I didn't," I reply

"That's good," he smiles at me. A guy with galaxy hair came in followed by a guy with curly blond hair.

"Mikey Ash over here," Luke gestures to his friends. Smiling I introduce myself but they already know who I am. Ashton and I spoke about music and football. After a while Michael had to go. He invited us to come round his sometime and play video games. I had a great time today. Luke and I walk back to his place. His dog Molly greeted me at the door.

"So Calum tell me about yourself"

"What do you wanna know"

"Anything,"

"Okay well I grew up in New Zealand but moved here a few years ago. I'm openly gay, I'm captain of our football team."

"I already know that silly,"

"I like to play the bass. I've always wanted to be in a band."

"Really? I play guitar maybe one day I'll play you a song,"

"One day I'll play the bass for you,"

"Did you know Mike plays guitar too. Ash plays the drums,"

"I didn't know that,"

We ended up watching a movie and then I went home. Dad wasn't home so I slipped into my room.Luke makes me feel so happy, he's my escape. The next week we were all at Mikey's house. Ashton pulled me aside

"You okay Calum?" he asks

"Yeah I'm fine,"

"I'm always here if you wanna talk."

"Thanks Ash," I smile brightly at him

The next day at school coach told us our first game of the season was friday. We started practicing and coach made us scrimmage against each other. I literally had to beg him to keep me on shirts. I can't let the whole team see my disgusting body. It's bruised and battered from my dad. He doesn't even give me time to heal. Luke, Ashton and Michael were watching me today. I feel happy because my best friend is watching me. I wanted to impress him so as I'm dribbling the ball around all the players on the skins team. I passed to Matt who crossed it back to me and I scored. We kept scoring and the game ended with 10-7. Coach was taking notes and then told us who was playing at the game. Matt and I were in till half time where I'm subbing for our center midfield. I head to the locker room to change really quick then putting my football bag in Ashton's car. We were going to a movie today. Luke slung his arm on my shoulders. I smiled at him before pushing him off me and running into the theater. He is laughing and so am I. Michael and Ashton are panting. I paid for their tickets in apology. The movie was pretty boring. Luke and I threw popcorn at each other. After the movie we piled in Ashton's car and driving back to Luke's. His mother was home today. She's a really nice lady. She refuses to let us call her Ms. Hemmings says it makes her feel old. Liz is pretty funny, she said I could spend the night with Luke. I thanked her then texted my mum telling her I'm staying at a friends.

Luke let me borrow some sweats. We ended up playing with Molly and getting to know each other better. We ended up watching horror movies. I hid my face in his chest, he chuckled and told me I'm safe. For a moment I did feel safe in his arms.

The next day I went home after saying goodbye to Luke, Molly, and Liz. Dad was home and he didn't notice me which I was relieved for. I sat in my room twiddling my thumbs before my dad came up. He didn't beat me. He sat next to me, nudging my shoulder. Im confuse, this man is confusing. We didn't say anything for awhile then I mention I had a game. He promise he'd be there. I didn't expect him to actually be there. I said thanks and he left.

There was a party this weekend I dragged Luke with me. I didn't want to go anyway so with Luke there it wasn't that bad. He had a few drinks and I brought him to his house. Then Luke kisses me.

The next week I avoided Luke. Told him I was busy. Luke understood saying he missed me. I came into school with my letterman jacket on to remind my football team I'm still on it. I can't really face Luke. I want to though. I can't face him because I'm afraid he won't remember that kiss. I enjoy it so much that it's torture that I'm distancing myself from him. I just can't face him not yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments thanks


	4. Please help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum's dad gets caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

My dad beat me again. It was rough because this time he drew blood. He's given me a black eye too. I'm talking to Luke again. He told me that he remembers that night he kissed me. He told me he wasn't even drunk, he wanted to kiss me. I was over at his again except this time it's different.  We were still in his room but this time his lips were attached to mine. We were kissing and it honestly felt amazing. It felt like being on cloud 9. This boy kept my mind buzzing. He presses his forehead against mine.

"You're an interesting person Cal," he chuckles

"Thanks," I roll my eyes at him

"Oh you know I'm kidding,"

"Do I?"

"Do you want me to punish you," he smirks as I roll my eyes pushing him jokingly before bringing him into another kiss. I can feel his smile against my lips as he wraps his arms around me. We pull away and smile at each other. I blush at him as he pushes me on my back and starts kissing me again. His hands travel up my shirt I push them down.

"N-no," I whisper at him. He nods and we continue. I don't even know what we are, but I don't care. I made my way home later that night and my dad caught up with me. He threw a punch at me. I clenched my jaw as he sends another punch to my throat. I cough as he kicks me down so I'm faced down on the ground. He steps on my fingers. I cry out in pain, then I lost conscience from the pain. When I woke up next it was in a hospital bed. Mum was silently crying and Luke was consoling her. My father wasn't there

"M-mum," I croak

"Baby boy oh my gosh my sweet baby boy how are you feeling?" my mum asks

"W-water,"

"Here," Luke hands me a cup of water and I drank a majority of it. Mum left me and Luke, he smiled sadly at me and grabbed my wrist.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore,"

"Calum why didn't you tell me?" he ask

"About what?"

"Your dad,"

All the color in my face drained I looked down at the sheets. Hoping this was all a dream. Luke was not suppose to find out this. Not like this

"H-how did you find out,"

"Oh I didn't I heard him after you left you forgot your jacket so I followed you home and  yeah." he mumbles

"I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you I thought I could handle it," I whisper

"Is that why you didn't let me see you shirtless Cal," he says gently I nod

"Awe honey have to know that this is not your fault," he whispers caressing my cheek with his hand. I lean into his touch

"I didn't want you t see my body Luke. It's all bruised and scared," I tell him

"Bruises heal,"

"Not scars,"

"Oh Calum,"

"I know Luke I'm broken,"

"Broken things can be fixed"

I stay silent for awhile. "Why do you care so much Luke?"

"Because you are special and you may not see it but you're honestly a great person,"

"Thank you,"

"I made a promise to you Cal. I plan on keeping it, I really do want to protect you."

"I don't doubt it."

"Can I kiss you,"

"Sure,"

He leans in and places a chaste kiss on my lips before pulling away and pecking my forehead.

"You are so perfect and I plan on making you see yourself how I see you,"

"Are you sure you're not doing his because of some deeper feelings?"

"You got me there I may have a tiny crush on you,"

"Well I may have a tiny crush on you,"

That week I'm release from the hospital. Mum made an arrangement with Liz so I'll be staying with her family for a few days. Only so she can garuntee my dad won't hurt me anymore. Mum told me we would have to go on trial and that the police had taken pictures of the bruises I had. The first night at Luke's house I broke down. Liz comforted me

"I know it's hard sweetie but you have a loving mother and friends who will be with you every step of the way," Liz tells me gently I nod burrowing my face in her neck and sniffling.

"Thank you Liz," I tell her

"No need sweet pea,"

I smile and lay down in the guest room. Luke was out with Mikey and Ash, he said that he felt bad hat he hasn't hung out with them for a while. I feel bad to because I know he hasn't hung out with them because of me.

It's been a year now and Luke and I are still really good friends. We still kiss and mess around and I'm thinking of asking him out. Also my dad's trial is coming up and I'm beyond nervous. Sure my bruises have healed but the scars from my cuts haven't. Mum told me they did a rape test on me while I was sleeping. She gave them permission to, it seems like my life is looking up right? Wrong, because my mum told the coach who told the team about this, they've become violent. They don't beat me up but they don't have too because words hurt too. I've started cutting again but only on my chest. Coach never lets me play on skins anyway so I don't have to take my shirt off during practice and I never really had a reason too take it off anyway.

Luke and I were hanging out today. It's a beautiful autumn day and I wanted to go on a walk because the trees changing colors are so pretty. Luke wanted to come with me which I couldn't say no to.

"The leaves are so pretty," I murmer

"Not as pretty as you though,"

I blush a deep crimson before pushing him slightly.

"Stop," I whine

"It's true Calum you are the most beautiful person I've ever met. It pains me when you are hurt because how can someone as sweet and as kind as you tolerate. I can understand with your dad he drilled it in your head that he was doing all that to make you better. The kids at school don't know what's it like and they aren't trying to understand it," Luke pauses to lean down and kiss my cheek. "You are so strong," he whispers and I try to stop the tears that are following down my cheeks.

"You are to kind Luke, that was beautiful," I smile through tears "Go out with me," I suddenly spit out

"I-uh what?" he asks

"Go out with me Luke be my boyfriend," I explain

"Yes," he smiles and I kiss him

"On one condition," he smirks

"We do not call each other babe or baby I don't want to be that couple," he smiles

"Deal,"

That night I go home with a smile on my face. Mum told me that trial starts tomorrow and I call Luke to tell him. Little did we know my dad had been on bail and has been watching me for a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, this is literally one of my proudest fanfics on wattpad and I want to share this one with you guys


	5. You monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is in Luke's point of view  
> and the trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Calum sits next to his mother. I'm right behind him in the next row. He was nervous you can tell. I wouldn't blame him if my dad was beating the living crap out of me I wouldn't want to tel anyone. Apart from that Im so happy that I Luke Hemmings would be dating Calum freaking Hood. The sad thing is that he doesn't see him the way I see him. He's such a little cutie pie but he can't see that and it kills me.

"All rise for the judge. Today we are in the case with Hood versus Hood,"

"David Hood is accused of beating his son,"

"Your honor my client Calum Hood was found badly beaten by his friend and called 999 and told police that he saw and heard his father beating the victim,"

Calum's lawyer gives her opening statement then Calum's dad lawyer gives his opening statement. The trial goes on, first showing evidence of the bruises on Calum's body. Some jurors gasps and others grimaces. The smug look on Calum's dad's face vanishes and is replace with concern. I know it's concern for his own ass and not his son. Then they called me up to the stand

"Do swear by the truth and nothing but the truth," the person with the bible told me.

"Yes," I nod

"Luke, how old are you," Calum's lawyer asks me 

"I am 18 years old," I reply

"Do you do well in school," 

"Yes," 

"Luke I will like to switch to the night that happened a year ago today is that okay?"

I nod

"What were you doing that day?"

"Well Calum and I were hanging out and around 6 he had to go home but he forgot something so I followed him home I was about to give it to him when I heard another voice," I take a deep breath tears running down my face

"It was Calum's dad asking him why he was so week. I head Calum crying I was in the door frame and I saw this man who suppose to be his father beat the living crap out of him. I called the police and an ambulance as soon as Calum passed out from the pain. I sat with him the whole ride to the hospital. I met up with his  mother and when she asked me what had happen I said 'Mrs. Hood your husband beat Calum up when he came home' and I felt so bad that I had to be the one to tell her that."

"Thank you Luke. The defense attonery has some questions for you,"

"So you say you saw the defendant beating his son,"

"Yes sir," 

"Did you hear him say anything"

"Yes,"

"Was it anything positive," 

"No," 

After several questions later and the jury go into the room and we are left to wait and after serval hours later the verdict was read and he was found guilty. I was overwhelmed with joy. As we all met up I kissed Calum on the lips.

"Thank you  Luke," he smiles

"Anytime love," 

His dad scowled at us as they walked passed us "At least I'm the only one who knows their place," he spits

"You mean like stalking us sir," I smirk my mum had told me I was being watched and I already new who it was. 

Calum and I were walking back from school. I had waited for him while he was at his practice. It was super great to see that boy play with a passion. I get to call him mine too. Little did I know he was struggling on the inside.

 


	6. When you feel my heat look into my eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

I sigh as Luke, Michael, Ash and I walk into school. It's a week after the trial and everything is looking up. I no longer go home with the fear of being beaten. It just feels like it's my fault he's gone. 

"Sweetheart are you okay?" I hear Luke asks 

"Yeah I didn't get much sleep last night love," 

"Aw honey do you wanna go take a nap?"

"No I wanna stay with you guys," 

Luke nods and kiss my neck. Mikey and Ash make fake gagging noises, I roll my eyes at them jokingly before telling them they're just jealous. After a while we just played Call of duty and fifa before I got really tired.

"Please go take a nap bear,"  he coax gently

"Okay," I nod and go into his room.  I lay down and let sleep take over me

_"You're nothing but a fag," my father sneer as he punches me in the stomach._

_"You're wrong," I yell back but he punches me again and kicks me. I groan as he sends another punch to my jaw. Then all of a sudden Luke pushes my father off me and kisses me. My dad takes out a knife and kills us both._

I woke up screaming for Luke. He rushes to me and hugs me, I bury my head in his chest sobbing

"It's okay, love," he smiles at me "You're safe angel you're safe. I'm here I'll protect you," he murmurs in my ear as he places me in his lap and sways us. 

we stay like this for awhile. Ash comes in to tell us he and Mikey are leaving and tells me that he wishes me well. Luke kisses my forehead before laying me down and cuddling up next to me. He wraps one arm around my waist and uses the other to draw patterns on my stomach

"How have you put up with me for so long," 

"Oh Calum you aren't really a problem," 

"But I'm broken," 

"And I'm fixing you. Besides what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't stay with you even though I really like you? A rubbish one,"

"I feel like it's always about me though," 

"It's not though my love. We both have fun when we're together or at least I hope we do." 

"We've never had a dull moment,"

"Good cause Cal it's never dull with you," 

I blush at his words and kiss his cheek before yawning

"You're tired bear,"

"I don't want that nightmare again though,"

"I'll be here to protect you," 

The next day Michael was using about this girl he liked, Ashton was with his girlfriend which left me and Luke. Since my dad was in prison I quit the football team. I love the sport but it was really hard to manage football and school. I'm still doing really well in school. 

"I was thinking we could go out tonight," 

"Okay,"

Luke smiles intertwining our hands as we walk out of school. I kissed his cheek  before walking to Ashton's car. Luke slips in next to me, I place my hand on his thigh smiling. Michael chose an All time low song. I hummed along and and Luke carded his fingers though my hair. I smiled this was nice. 

Luke and I walk along the beach hand in hand. Tonights date was really fun, we walked on the beach then Luke took me out for pizza and then we had ice cream and it was just really perfect. No drama, just us. I never had this amount of attention, Luke's given me. it's nice though his sweet gesture. It's been a year since we met and we've only been dating for two weeks. He's honestly the best person in the world. Luke walks me to my door and I hug him. Luke kisses my head as we walk inside. We cuddled and then he left before my mum came home. She knows that Luke and I  are dating and she's really supportive of our relationship but still Luke doesn't want to try anything till he meets her properly. He'a such a little gentlemen

"What are you thinking about love," 

"You and all your blue eyed glory," 

He chuckles and kisses my head. I move my head so he kisses my lips. Sometimes I wonder what he sees in mine. He's amazing and I want to be with him forever because I think I love him


	7. Luke, the god of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

To say the least the last couple of months have been pretty good. I am 2 weeks clean for which Luke is extremely proud of me. Mikey and Ash both have girlfriends now which is crazy. Luke and I are sitting in his room watching a movie.

"There's a party tonight babe you wanna go?" Luke asks

"Sure,"  hesitantly say

"It'll be fun," he kisses my lips. I nod and we put on another movie. Later Luke went home to change clothes. I picked out a grey flannel and black skinny jeans. There was a knock on my door as I finish getting dressed.  Luke was resting on the door frame he looked so great. He wore a red flannel with a black leather jacket over it and black skinny jeans. 

"My, why don't you look handsome," I muse

"Oh but here I thought the real beauty in the room was you my dear," he chuckles. I can feel my cheeks heating up at his compliment

"Stop it," I giggle

We make our way to his black chevy before pulling out of my driveway and to the party. When Luke and I got there we were met with Michael making out with Brooke. That was interesting. Luke made his way to get drinks and I was left to my own devices. Luke  gave me a cup and I gave him a questioningly look

"It's cola babe I figured that you didn't want to get shit faced," 

"Thanks love," 

He smiled and kissed my cheek before walking off to find some friends. I was leaning against the wall

"Hey cutie," Trevor a guy  on the football team

"What do you want Trevor," I roll my eyes

"You," he whispers

"Yeah? Im taken," I sass

"Who? Hemmings? Come on he's only doing it for pity," 

"Yeah right just like you bang anyone who isn't a slut. I'm glad you consider me one,"

Luke stepped in and smiled sickly at him

"Trouble Cal"

"Course not," 

"Well I hope Trevor realizes that not gonna want to have his nudes leaked," 

"This isn't over Hemmings,"

I smile and then kiss Luke. He smiles and wraps his arms around my neck. He smiles as he runs his tongue across my lips.

Later at night Luke and I were on my bed. I was tracing patterns on his chest.

"Why do you put up with me?"

"Calum I don't put up with you. I really want to be with you, I like our random acts of affection, our night time cuddles and our late night chats. I wouldn't have that if I didn't have a lovely boyfriend. You've gotten better honey and I think I love you Calum. I do not put up with you because it's a joke. I want to get to know you," 

"You're an absolute sweetheart," 

"Thank you honey," 

It's been a great day till I see Luke pressed up against the lockers and this blonde bitch was kissing him. I'm not usually not a jealous type but this I couldn't shake off. I did see Luke push her off and yell at her.

"Hey Lukey," I pur as I make my way to him. "Skank,"  I say to the girl kissing my boyfriend

"I was just telling Missy here to remember that she pulls a move like that again that I'll tell the whole school her secret,"

"This isn't over hemmings,"

"But it is,"

Luke walks up to me and kisses me. I smile at him as people walk away. Luke walks me to my class and I smile at him. 

We were in Luke's room. I was straddling his hips. Our kisses were hungrily desperate. Luke reached up to remove my shirt. He gasps as he see the scars littering my body. He lays me down and kisses down my neck. 

"Luke," I moan as he nips at the spot behind my neck

"You're beautiful bear absolutely beautiful," He says and place butterfly kisses down my neck.

"These are beautiful," he tells me as he kisses all my scars

"I love you Luke,"

"I love you too."


	8. Color me, Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Luke told me that he's proud of me, that after everything my dad put me through I'm still me. I don't feel like me. I feel like I'm broken and it sucks. It sucks because I want to me normal for Luke. It's not fair he has to deal with all my shit and I don't do anything in return so tonight I planned a date. Theres a firework show and I want to tell him I love him. It's been a couple of months but I've know Luke for a whole year and he's gotten to be the most important person to me. When my dad was beating the crap out of me I had Luke. I have Luke now and I love it when he kisses me or if we're making out he makes sure I'm okay. Luke's honestly the best person ever. When I look into his eyes I get lost in his blue iris of beauty because he's just him. He's just the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know we're still in high school but love is love right? I mean look at were my life has come too my dad abusing me because he couldn't handle having a gay son then meeting Luke and feeling like I have some hope in my life then my dad getting caught and the trial. To bad my sister couldn't have shared these memories with me. I wish she didn't run away when dad started becoming physical with me. I'm not mad though. I understand that it was to hard for her. Mum isn't home all the time so she couldn't have done anything.

Luke and I were sitting on the beach looking up at the firework show. He wraps arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and feel him place a kiss on my hair. I smile to myself this is all I want. After the fireworks Luke and I walk hand in hand to a small ice cream shop. I order a strawberry and he gets cookie dough.

"Hey Luke can I tell you something?"

"Sure love you can tell me anything,bear"

"I love you,"

"Well good because I love you too," he smiles cheekily at me.

We walk back to my house and I ask Luke to stay the night. We end up watching movies on my tv in my room and cuddling. Him being big spoon and me being little spoon. I smile as he kisses my forehead and drifting to sleep.

I wake up the next morning to someone playing with my hair. I smile knowing it was Luke. I turn around in his arms and kiss him.

"Good morning," he smiles

"Good morning how about breakfast,"

I get out of bed to make us breakfast. Luke wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me from behind. I finish breakfast and he sets the table.

"You're so loved Cal," he says and clears the table as I start washing the dishes. There was a knock on my door and Luke goes to answer it. All of the color is drained from his face as he sees who is at the door.


	9. Calum's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

_I walk into school and is greeted by Brandon my main bully. Before Luke moved here he picked on me he had this insane idea that we were dating. He would kiss me then he would hit me. It was off and on again he was fucking nuts. One day we were at my house. After I tried to make him leave I decided that it wasn't worth fighting because he's obviously a lot bigger than me. Sometime later he grabbed my jaw_

_"You act so fucking selfish babe" he growls and his nails dig into my jaw._

_"S-stop," I whine trying to get free of his grasp._

_He tighten his grip then flipped me over roughly pulling my pants down. He rubbed my ass then I felt it. He smacked my ass hard and it fucking hurt. I cried out and he kept doing it till he drew blood. My neighbor Ms. Hopkins heard and called the police and the ambulance. I was fucking bleeding from my ass and my parents pressed charges with out a trial much to my relief. That's when my dad started beating me. It was like over night he changed I knew it. I still let myself believe that it was a phase and that he'd grown to stop. This was my father after all. That's when I started cutting, too. A cut for being ugly, for being a fag, for being a disappointment, for being week, for being fat. Sure I was popular at school but that didn't change how I looked at myself. I was a fucking mess because of my father and because of Brandon. I still wince sometimes when I sit down. The best part is they've let Brandon go but he's not aloud 30 feet near me. He's also been diagnosed with Bipolar aggression. You'd think I couldn't forgive him but I did. It wasn't his fault he had a mental disease. He couldn't control his emotions and I can't stay mad at that. I know he's getting medication now but for my dad the beatings are getting worse. He's getting drunk a lot now, I will come home and he will be passed out on the floor with beer cans and bottles all around him. At first I didn't know I was suppose t clean them up. They're his mess but after one night when he threw an empty beer bottle near my head I knew that I had to clean up his shit. My dad would use his belt and his shoe to hurt me he would hurt me mentally. I told myself I was better than this. That I did't need him in my life, my dad was a monster but the bigger monster was the demons that I had with me. Sure my father would sober up but that didn't stop the beatings. He knew that, he would get angry and I was just so fucking scared all the time. Like all the time I was scared for my life and it was horrible and my father liked that. He liked that control he had over me. Mali ran away after she found my father beating the living crap out of me.  It made me mad at first but now I was just sad. She was to much of a coward to protect her younger brother so she ran. She didn't know the scars that littered my body. Every inch of me was covered in faded pink lines that was made from a blade. Every line was an unpleasant reminder that I was a fuck up. It was so fucking hard you know that this was my life and it was my fault. Till I met Luke_


	10. Tell me a lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Luke's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

"Missy what are you doing here?" I ask the girl in front of me  
"To win you back Lukey,"  
"I told you before and I'll tell you again I'm not going t date you. I'm taken by someone whom I love very much and not some fake whore who cheated on me with my best friend,"  
"I'm sorry Luke,"   
"So am I," 

Calum comes up to my side and hugs me from behind kissing my neck. Missy looks down right pissed but I could care less. She's the one who cheated on me with my ex best friend Jack.   
"Well I didn't know you were a fag," she hisses   
"Yeah you did bitch," I hiss back before slamming the door and kissing Calum harshly. He slams me into the door and kiss the fuck out of me. We pull away with swollen lips and he tells to jump up I do what I'm told and wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me to his room. We just kiss for awhile before

we both get tired and he rests his head on my chest and I wrap my arm around his body protectively.   
"So what's the deal with her?"   
"Missy and I use to date then I caught her cheating on me with my best friend and older brother Jack."   
"I'm sorry sweetheart,"   
"It's okay it was a while ago," 

Calum nods and places a kiss on my heart. We took a short nap before Ashton came bounding in to Calum's room  
"You guys are too cute," he smiles "but that's not what I came here for. Mikey and I wanna start a band,"   
"I'm in," I yawn   
"So am I," Calum smiles brightly before attacking me in a bear hug. We fell on the bed and we were both laughing. I reached up and kissed his nose, Calum scrunch his nose before rolling off of me and going to his closet and pulling out my sweatshirt that I left here and pulls it on. I shake my head before   
I kiss Calum goodbye before walking out of his house over to mine. Missy was sitting on the steps of my house. I chuckled looking at her with a smirk on my face

"What are you doing here Missy," I ask  
"To be with you "  
"No,"  
"Luke-"  
"No, Missy you cheated on me and I'm not letting you become the victim. I moved on with my life I should be yelling and calling you a whore for what you did to me but I'm not. If you really cared about me you'd let me be happy,"

"This isn't over hemmings,"   
"Go fuck your selfie Missy," I growl

Calum and I were walking hand in hand down the beach. We started with Ash and Mike but they went swimming and I wanna spend time with my boyfriend because he's diamond. We got to this little area away from people where Mikey left my guitar. 

"Remember when I said I'd play the guitar for you?"  
"Yeah sweetheart what's this all about,"   
"I was going to wait for our anniversary but I couldn't Cal, I wanna play this song for you,"   
I started strumming the song  
A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
I don't wanna waste the weekendIf you don't love me pretend

A few more hours then it's time to go  
And as my train rolls down the east coast  
I wonder how you keep warm  
It's too late to cry  
Too broken to move on  
And still I can't let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don't take what you don't need from me  
It's just a drop in the ocean

A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
Its like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
Misplaced trust and old friends  
Never counting regrets  
By the grace of God I do not rest at all  
And New England as the leaves change  
The last excuse that I'll claim  
I was a boy who loved a women like a little girl  
And still I cant let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don't take what you don't need from me  
It's just a drop in the ocean

A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my  
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no no  
Heaven doesn't seem far away  
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no no  
Heaven doesn't seem far away, oh oh  
A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather

I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven  
You are my heaven

By the end of the song I put my guitar down and Calum attacked me with a hug.   
"Are you crying love?"  
"Yeah because that was beautiful Lukey," he sniffles we stay in our embrace for awhile, then I kiss his forehead pulling away as he looks up at me with those dark brown beautiful eyes boring into my ocean blue ones. I smile at him and wrap my arms around his waist and he wraps his arms around my neck. I slowly walking us around in tiny circles. There's no music but we're still slow dancing and he rests his head on the crock of my neck and everything is just perfect in the moment. Then I start humming drop in the ocean again as we just stay still.

"You're amazing Luke,"   
"You're wonderfully amazing babe,"   
We giggle and he reaches up and kiss my nose. Like I did to him earlier.  
"I love you,"


	11. Demons or not, he loves you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

I held the blade in between my pointer finger and my middle finger. I made three new scars on y arm. It all happened earlier today before first period. Brandon and his posse of friends came up to me. They're all on the football (soccer) team.

"Well if it isn't the fag," he chimes with fake sweetness in his voice.

"Where's your boyfriend," one of his friends asks

"H-he's sick," I swallow the lump in my throat

"Probably gave him aids,"one of the kids in my year laugh

"You're so worthless and now you've made it seem like Luke is only dating you because you paid him." a girl in my year giggles

"I-I didn't pay him," I stutter

"Sure you didn't and my name isn't Connor. Just admit it,"

"I didn't,"

"Well you're a fag anyway,"

"A fucking fairy," Brandon chimes

"Worthless," they chant

"Pathetic,"

"Worthless,"

I ran away into the boys washroom and locking myself in a stall and sobbing into my hands. I heard the door open and two people walk in. I silently cry

"Calum we know you're in there," Michael yells out

Come on Cal you can't listen to them," Ashton says

"I know it still hurts," I whisper

"I know but you can't listen to them. What would Luke tell you Cal." Mikey tells me

"Here come out and we can call Luke if you want," Ashton suggests

"He's sick," I whisper

"Still he's your boyfriend Calum. He loves you very much and he cares about you. He'd do anything for you," Ashton tells me

"I know and I don't deserve someone like him," I murmer

"Yes you do. Look we've known Luke longer than when he moved here. He'd always love being the one taking care of someone. He's so loving to everyone and he's kind and he holds his own. It sucks he moved here with those assholes but it was faith you guys were destined to be with each other. This is the happiest I've ever seen him and you," Michael finishes his speech before giving me a hug. I nuzzle my face in his neck. He just rubs my back. Ashton comes back a few minutes later with Luke in tow.

"Hey love I thought you were sick," I ask as I pull him into a warm hug

"I am but I had to check on you angel. I heard what happened earlier," he says then sneezes. I coo because when he's sick he look so cute.

"You're really warm my dear why don't you go back home and I'll skip the rest of the day and I can take care of you,"

"No love it's okay."

"I wasn't asking Lukey I want you to get better,"

I grab his wrist dragging him down the school hallway. I stop when I see Brandon

"Awe the fag has his little boyfriend. I thought you were sick Hemmings," he taunts us

"I am but doesn't mean I can't kick your ass," he smirks Brandon lands a punch on Luke's beautiful face. Luke doesn't even react, he simply throws one back.

"You probably shouldn't have done that," Luke says before kicking Brandon in the stomach. Brandon falls to the ground holding his stomach and groaning in pain. Luke stoops down to his level and grabs a fistful of his hair smashing Brandon's face in the ground. I winced at the blood that was running down Brandon's nose.

"Lukey you didn't have to do that,"

"I did honey." he tells me and kisses my forehead. I smile at him before walking to my car. I open the door for Luke before driving to his place. I stopped at the market and got some things for Luke while he slept in the car. When we arrived at his and I carried Luke in and took care of him till his mother came home. That is why I'm sitting in my bathroom with a blade in my hand and three new ugly scars. I don't even know how it happened but it's done now. 


	12. Can I feel okay again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Luke got better the next couple of days. Brandon and Missy seem to be everywhere. Missy uses her fake ass boobs to try to seduce Luke.. Brandon tries to beat the shit out me but Michael, Luke, and Ashton are always with me. Usually because we have all the same classes but also because we hang out all the time too.

"Hey Cal," Missy purs

"What do you want," I growl as she pushes me against the lockers

I smirked because this was mine and Luke's plan. You see we over heard Brandon and Missy conversing about how they wanted to break Luke and I up. So Michael, Brooke his girlfriend who is Missy's twin sister, Kendall Ashton's girlfriend, Ashton, Luke and I came up with this plan to counter Brandon and Missy.

Anyways Missy smirks back to me as she kisses down my neck Luke smiles at me as he takes the picture.

"Got you," He exclaims as I pull away from her and kiss the fuck out of him

"What do you mean" She ask

"You know the rules at school is no sexual interaction while at school," I smile evily

"I could show the principle or," he drags out

"Or what,"

"You tell us everything Brandon has on us," I demand

"No,"

"Suit yourself," we say as we start walking away.

"Wait Brandon is planning on beating the shit on you two after school,"

"Alright thanks,"

The bell rang and we ran to the principle's office and handed his secretary the picture she already knew since she's Brooke and Missy's mother. She also excused us from classes since she is protecting us. Luke drags me over to my car.

"Can we watch movies and cuddle?" he ask

"Yes," I smile brightly as he kisses my forehead

We set up movies on my laptop and he pulled me to his chest.

"I love you sweetheart,"

"I love you too Lukey,"

Luke smiles at me the next day when both Brandon and Missy get called into the office. Luke smiles brightly at me knowing the worst part is almost over. We were also called into the office. Brandon scowls at me as Luke and I walk into the office. I smile at the principle.

"We've been inform that you have been harassing our school finest couple of the year. You know at our last assembly we set rules because everyone in the senior year has voted for couple of the year. Therefore I am expelling you Brandon for breaking multiple school rules and suspending you Missy. I am very disappointed in you both," Our principle frowns slightly

"Whatever I don't want to be with these fags anyway,"

After school we were telling Mikey and Ash about today.

"Dude our principle is cake as fuck"

"No way Mikey,"

"What the hell is Cake guys?"

"Our ship name love,"

I look at Luke like he's crazy. He chuckles and pulls me into his lap. He wraps his arm around my waist and rests his head on my back.

"You guys are disgustingly cute,"

"Shut up Mikey,"

Luke kisses my shoulder. After awhile Mikey and Ash went home. Luke carries me bridal style into my room and kisses me softly before straddling me.

"Show me your wrists Cal," he whispers as he kisses me I hold my wrist out

"These are battle scars Cally," he kisses my wrist. I push him back on the bed and straddle him he chuckles as he holds my waist. I lean down and kiss him only breaking the kiss to remove his shirt. Luke smiles and he moves so he's towering over me. He removes my shirt and kiss down my chest. I moan as he nips at my nipples.

"Luke do something," I moan as he kisses my bulge through my jeans. Luke nods and removes my pants and underwear. He looks at me with love and passion in his eyes. I suddenly get self conscious

"Beautiful baby boy," he murmurs as he leans down to kiss my inner thigh before he kiss my member. He wraps his lips around me and starts bobbing his head up and down. I moan and tug at his blonde locks.

"I'm going to come Lukey," I pant he pulls off of me and looks me in the eye

"I don't want to pressure you Cal,"

"I want this Luke I don't want to go all the way but I want this," I say as he pumps me. He nods and I coming all over my chest. He smiles at me and goes to clean me up. I remove his pants and boxers and lay him on the bed. I kitten lick the top of his dick. Taking it in my mouth. I move my head up and down. I fondle his dick and he lets out a moan. Without warning he releases his seed in my mouth and I swallow everything he gives me.

"Your voice is gonna be pretty fucked up," he smiles. He knows I'm not sexually active, especially not with guys but I love Luke so it doesn't really matter I want to do stuff like this with him. Luke is honestly my saving grace and I am happy I met him. He knows how to treat a person as broken as I am. He even helps me stop cutting. He told me when he found out what happened with Brandon when he was sick to just call him. He wasn't mad at me he just hugged me and told me how strong I was and how proud of me he is. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside knowing he's not mad. He just held me and it felt like home. It felt like I was on cloud 9, he makes me feel like that everytime I'm with him. It's like that song "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. It honestly reminds me of how he makes me feel. He's there with me every step of the way in recovering from my depression. He even found out about me being anorexic when I was younger. He knows how to be with me and he doesn't ask for anything in return. He says he wants my love and that's it. It makes me happy to know that he would never change me. Nothing in the world could change how I feel about him. It feels like my whole life I was looking for someone. It's hard to imagine that I could meet someone as sweet as him. Luke is just so perfect for me and yet I feel like I don't deserve him. It's hard to feel like I deserve happiness in my life. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe it's because my father brainwashed me making me feel like this. Maybe it's just years of abuse I don't know but it's something. I just want to feel okay again like when we were kids. 


	13. Finally clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Luke found out about my scars on my chest. He wasn't mad about it he thought it was really sad but he wasn't mad. That was four months ago, I haven't touched a blade in four months. I think I'm finally clean. Luke and I have been together for six months. I was so happy that he decided to stay with me for that long. He was my first boyfriend and I love him with all my heart. I swear to god he's amazing. Luke is amazing honestly.

"Hey honey," he smiles at me as I walk up to his car

"Hi Lukey," I beam happily leaning over the console to kiss him. He kisses me back before pulling away and starting the car. I sit back down and looked out the window. 

"Where are we going Lukey?" I whine he chuckles

"Well my love I thought we would go on a date. I've been dying to take you out to this restaurant that just opened.," he mutters happily but frowns a bit

"What's wrong honey bunny,"

"My dad opened up this restaurant Cal. I haven't seen him since I moved here from Melbourne last year." Luke says sadly. 

"Pull over love," I commanded softly he did as I told him I turned him so he was facing me

"You helped me so much Lukey and now it's my turn sweet heart. We can get through anything together," I say searching his blue eyes for any emotion. They show so much, like hurt, love, compassion and fear. 

"Together," he repeats in a barley audible whisper. I kiss his cheek before he starts the car again

"Think of  it like this Luke, I've met your mum and you met my parents, it's just like another challenge in life bunny," I smile weakly at him

"How did I get so lucky," he chuckles and I laugh along with him because I use to say that. 

"You know I've been 4 months clean now," I tell him

"Really honey that's amazing really Cal I'm proud of you. That's amazing," he tells me happily. The rest of the car ride was silent. Luke parked and we got out. I took his hand in mine and entwined our fingers. He looked at me smiled weakly. 

"We'll be okay," I tell him and kiss his cheek we walk in and this man who looked like a splitting image of Luke greets us with a smile

"Luke I'm glad you made it," he smiled

"Well I had a night free and I wanted to take my _boyfriend_ out to eat so I decided why not." Luke says with a shrug and drops my hand to wraps his arm around my waist.

"Well Im glad that you decided to bring him, I'm sure we'll all have a lovely time," 

"I'm Calum," 

"Andrew Luke's father," 

I nod and he leads us to a table and handed us menus and takes our drinks.

I went to go to the bathroom after we ordered. I ran into Luke's father in the washroom

"Oh I'm sorry sir," I smile at him

"It was my fault hey your my son's boyfriend right?" he asks I nod so he continues "keep an eye on my son. I know that I screwed up stuff between me and him but I just want him happy and you seem to make him happy" he says sorrowfully

"Sure sir," I smile at him 

When I return Luke and I ate our food and said goodbye to his dad. I smiled at him as we drove to my house I wrote him a song because for him. It's called _Wherever you are_. I pulled Luke into my room and grabbed my bass guitar and started strumming

_For a while we pretended_

_That we never had to end it_

_But we knew we'd have to say goodbye_

_You were crying at the airport_

_When they finally closed the plane door_

_I could barely hold it all inside_

_Torn in two_

_And I know I shouldn't tell you_

_But I just can't stop thinking of you_

_Wherever you are_

_You_

_Wherever you are_

_Every night I almost call you_

_Just to say it always will be you_

Wherever you are

_I could fly a thousand oceans_

_But there's nothing that compares to_

_What we had, and so I walk alone_

_I wish I didn't have to be gone_

_Maybe you've already moved on_

_But the truth is I don't want to know_

_Torn in two_

_And I know I shouldn't tell you_

But I just can't stop thinking of you

Wherever you are

You

Wherever you are

Every night I almost call you

_Just to say it always will be you_

_Wherever you are_

_You can say we'll be together_

_Someday_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_Nothing stays the same_

_So why can't I stop feeling this way_

_Torn in two_

_And I know I shouldn't tell you_

_But I just can't stop thinking of you_

_Wherever you are_

_You_

_Wherever you are_

_Every night I almost call you_

_Just to say it always will be you_

_Wherever you are_

I stop strumming and look up at Luke. He kisses me deeply and tells me it was beautiful. 

"Just like you," I murmur the rest of the night Luke and I cuddled his dad's words echoing in my head


	14. Who am I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This in Luke's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

_"Who am I? Who am I?_

_When I don't know myself"_

\--Five seconds of summer

Calum sang me that song that he wrote and it made me feel so much better. My dad came back to my mom and I a few weeks ago saying that he wanted to repair stuff between us. My mum just slammed the door in his face. She was really torn up when he left us. He left us without a reason, it felt like it was my fault. Even though my mum made sure I was okay, she didn't know that I beat myself up about it. He left us without an explanation. It was also the time that I came out as gay. How do you tell a 15 year kid that it's not your fault when the evidence piles against you. It was my fault right from the start. My mum and older brothers packed up all our stuff when I started shutting down. I wouldn't speak to my family, I wouldn't eat. It was like punishing yourself because that's all you believe. My dad left my family because I was a fag in his perfect family.  Then my brothers left for college, which was sad but it was what needed to happen. Then we moved, mum and I moved from Perth to Melbourne to Sydney. Then my dad finds our new address, and comes in one night asking mum if we could have dinner. My mum slammed the door and he hasn't failed once to come at our door the same time every night. Mum then suggested that I take Calum to his restaurant. I did that and my dad was nice but he's just checking out new people that he could use to get to me.  Then Calum sang me that song and he just makes my heart melts. I really love him and I can't even function. This boy makes my heart melt, from his chocolate brown doe eyes and soft pink lips that I could kiss all day. His tan skin that is soft. I love everything of my broken boy. I love how strong he is. I love how he tries so hard to stop self harming. I love the way he has this effect on me. I love him, I can just say that all day I love him.  I love him, I love him, I love him. He is my sweetheart, my baby, my boy. I him he makes me myself. Everything I am is to please Calum. I'm totally smitten with him. 

"Luke you're okay?" Michael asks

"Yeah I'm fine," I reply

Michael nods and we go back to playing our video game till there a knock on my door. No doubt it was my dad so I left it. Mikey looked at me questioningly but I shrugged it off and soon enough Mikey left. I sigh as I text Calum for the rest of the night. I smiled knowing that he was my boyfriend. It really gets you thinking though who am I? I know I'm Luke Hemmings son of Andrew and Liz Hemmings youngest of tree. I know that I'm completely in love with Calum Hood. Speaking Calum he texted me telling me he wanted me  to meet him at our place in the park. It's just a field with a pretty view. I walked up to him and snaked my arms around his waist and hugging him from behind. I smile feeling Calum snuggle into my chest. 

"You've been distant lately," he says

"I know I'm sorry," I apologize

Calum kisses me slowly before telling me that he's here for me. Just a few months ago I was saying that to him. Oh how the tables turn but that's the beautify of our relationship. I love him so much and he loves me we protect each other.Calum and I are the same. We both come from a broken home. Stuff from our pasts makes us stronger and maybe that's why we never fight because it would crush us. I can't see myself fighting with him because I don't like seeing him sad.

"You know it's very pretty out Luke,"  Calum tells me "Like you," he adds

"Thanks  love," 


	15. A story, a wish, a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

  
  
My dad died today. He was killed in jail by another inmate. I honestly didn't know how to feel. Luke told me that I should feel relieved he couldn't hurt me anymore. I'm happy for that but it still doesn't make it better. Luke and his father haven't been getting better. I feel bad though because my dad is dead. I am so happy that Luke is with me. It's been a year I'm a senior in High school. A lot has changed, personally with me. Luke has been there for me and I have no desire to hurt myself. Even when I'm bullied, I can finally say Im happy. I have the boy I love and my two best friends. My father doesn't beat the living crap out of me and honestly I'm not at my low anymore. I can be with the boy I fell in love with. Speaking of Luke and I were in his room. Im straddling his lap and he has his hands on my hips. We're both shirtless but he still has his jeans on. I lean down and kiss him. Luke moans as he slips his hands from my hips up to my back. 

"As much as I love this I don't want to go anymore," I whisper

"Okay lovely," he says against my lips before flipping us over and kissing down my chest. I moan as he nips at my chest. I let Luke run his hand down under my boxers. I bite back a moan as Luke moves his hand on my member.

"Just tell me to stop," Luke purrs. I feel Luke pull my boxers down and feel his mouth on me. 

"Oh fuck, Luke," I whimpered as he moves his mouth up and down. My hand grips his hair as he continues to suck me off. 

"Luke I'm gonna come shit," I mumble which makes him go faster

"Oh shit fuck LUKE," I yell as I come. He swallows everything I give him. 

"That was one hell of a blow job," I breath

"You needed it," Luke smiles as he kisses me

"So prom is coming up," I mutter lazily 

"Yeah and?" he questions

"Well darling will you be my date to prom?" I ask

"Yes honey," he smiles

"We need new nicknames for each other," I joke

"No I don't think so," he says as he lays me down

I let out a yawn as Luke places me on his chest. I cuddle next to him and fall asleep. When I woke up next Luke is still sleeping. I stare at him for a minute before I check my phone to see the time. I get up out of Luke's arm and go downstairs to make Luke and I dinner since my mum is out. I start making burgers on the grill because it's easier

I set the table just as Luke is coming downstairs

"Hey love," I smile 

"Cal can we talk," he says seriously

"Sure," 

"My dad robbed my mom," 

those words hit like a bullet. Luke's dad the man who told me to keep an eye on his son robbed his ex wife. What the fuck

"Oh honey I'm sorry,"

"It's okay," 

"Did you go to the police?"

"I did before school the other day. Cmon babe they aren't gonna do shit,"

"Well my uncle is a detective," I 

"Oh really," 

"I'll give him a call,"

"You don't need to darling."

"I do." I say as he picks up our dishes and puts it in the sink. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his shoulder before we go back to my room and cuddle and watch a movie

 


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also disclaimer this book has the following:
> 
> Mentions of self harm
> 
> Mentions of sucide
> 
> Mentions of child abuse
> 
> Mentions of sexual abuse
> 
> Smut
> 
> boyxboy content
> 
> If any of these themes are too much I advise you to read at your own will. I will but trigger warnings too.

Luke and I were at prom with Michael and Ashton and their girlfriends. Luke and I were wearing matching suits. It's been a long while and I can honestly say that this has been my favorite time of my life. I get to be with Luke and his family all the time and yes my family is broken but we can be fixed. My mom has been seeing this guy and he's really nice his name is Tony. He was one of the police that arrested my dad. It's funny she's been sneaking out to see him and Michael ran into them so she came clean that night. I was laughing because Tony actually came to the hospital to make sure I was okay. He treated me like his own son. We play footie and watch the games together. We go to the pub with Luke and Michael sometimes. Sometimes I forget he's my mum's boyfriend and more like my friend. Im glad mum met him he's really cool. Luke grabbed my hand as a slow song came on. It took me to realize the song.

"May I have this dance?" I hear him ask and I giggle 

"Of course," 

Luke wraps his arm around my waist and I wrap mine around his neck. We swayed back and forth

_"Give me love like her,_

_'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,_

_Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,_

_Told you I'd let them go,_

I lean my head on Luke's shoulder kissing his neck as we keep moving in slow circles around our gym hall

"And that I'll fight my corner,

Maybe tonight I'll call ya,

After my blood turns into alcohol,

No, I just wanna hold ya.

"Remember when we first met?" Luke asks

"Of course I do," 

_"Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, give me love"_

"I love you Luke thank you for fixing me," 

"I told you I'd fix _my broken boy_ "

_"Give me love like never before,_

' _Cause lately I've been craving more,_

_And it's been a while but I still feel the same,_

_Maybe I should let you go,_

_You know I'll fight my corner,_

_And that tonight I'll call ya,_

_After my blood is drowning in alcohol,_

_No, I just wanna hold ya._

Give a little time to me or burn this out,

We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,

All I want is the taste that your lips allow,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,_

_We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,_

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

My, my, my, my, oh give me love,

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love._

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover_ ,

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover._

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover,_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (love me, love me, love me)._

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love),_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love),_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love, love me),_

_M-my my, m-my my, m-my my, give me love, lover (give me love)._

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_My, my, my, my, oh give me love."_

Luke and I stopped dancing resting our foreheads against one another. 

"It's time to announce the prom court," 

"Your prom king is Luke Hemmings," 

everyone claps and cheers 

"And your prom queen is Calum Hood," My jaw drops and I walk up to the stage. Luke grabs my waist and kiss me hard


End file.
